Remembrance for Wendy Robertson
My name is Armen Pogharian. I’m one of Wendy’s Sons-in-law. I may not have known Wendy as long as some of you or been as close to her as others. I’m sure those among you in Wendy’s inner circle could share more intimate stories or details about Wendy’s life and the positive impact she had on your life.
However, it’s precisely because I am outside that inner circle that I’m speaking to you. As an outsider I think I can better appreciate Wendy’s unique blend of warmth and great inner strength than those of you who were closer to her. Being so close to her you simply took these great qualities as a given. I’m not saying you took them for granted, rather you simply came to expect them in your interactions with Wendy. On the other hand as an outsider, I observed her exhibitions of kindness and strength as something new and fresh on each occasion.
How did I come to recognize these qualities in Wendy?
Primarily through her interactions with her family. Make no mistake her husband Dave was the head of the household. But Wendy was the unseen support behind many of his decisions. When they moved to an old farmhouse, it was Wendy who tended the nearly ¼ acre garden. She planted, harvested, and canned much of the food her family ate. Dave may have been the decider and defender of the household, but he could not have succeeded without Wendy’s support.
This remained the case even as I became an extended member of the family. The smell of her pies baking in the oven or soup slow cooking on one of the wood stoves provided a warm welcome to the north country for this outsider from Virginia. Her turkey cutout cookies remain a fond memory from my first Thanksgiving with my new wife’s family. Wendy’s welcoming warmth ensured Cathy and I got off on the right foot.
Beyond her warmth, Wendy demonstrated what to many was a surprising strength and determination. While no one would ever mistake Wendy for an aggressive person, beneath her soft words was an iron resolve. When our first son was born and home from the hospital, Wendy came down to our house to help. Being studiously logical engineers Cathy and I read all of the books about baby’s first year. As helpful as those books were, nothing prepares you for the enormity of being a parent. Second guessing becomes second nature – especially for first time parents.
Enter Wendy. In addition to helping with the basic chores of cooking, cleaning and such, she proved to be a tome of great advice on nearly every subject. However, even the best matches are not always perfect matches and this imperfection provided my introduction to Wendy’s determination.
On Wendy’s last day with us, while Cathy was getting some well-deserved rest and between re-runs of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Yes I too was surprised to learn Wendy was a Will Smith enthusiast. Wendy walked into the family room where I was attempting to rock Nicholas to sleep. Dressed in her winter coat she announced that as his grandmother she needed to take Nicholas for a walk down the street.
Before handing Nicholas to her I checked the temperature. It was sunny, but only about 20 degrees outside. I informed her that it was too cold and she couldn’t take him out. She countered with, at her school, where she was the nurse, children were allowed to go out for recess as long as it was above 15 degrees. I responded that that may be true north of the arctic circle, but not in our house and refused to let her take Nicholas outside. Clearly unhappy, but also recognizing that I would not consent she left the room.
A moment later she returned without her coat, but with the baby carriage. She placed Nicholas in the carriage and proceeded to walk him on a loop through our living room, dining room, and kitchen. She didn’t get to walk him outside, but she found a way to walk her grandson before she left.
I tell this story for several reasons. I believe it exemplifies Wendy’s inner strength and how she coupled that with her warm nature to solve problems. Whether it was dealing with her irascible son-in-law, difficult parents and school children, or any other life problem, Wendy always sought to solve problems with care rather than confrontation. She compassionately compromised, but only as far as necessary. So, while everyone has their own favorite memories of Wendy – ranging from the smells of her baking or her skill at helping grandchildren assemble jigsaw puzzles – I will always remember her for the way she kept kindness in her heart when most of us would not, and that’s a legacy anyone should be proud to have.
